Ever bought a box of whole-grain cereal and found candy inside? At first glance, it looks like you’re getting something wholesome, responsible, maybe even a little virtuous. Open it up, though, and there’s crunchy rainbow marshmallows where the oats should be. That mismatch—between the package and what’s actually inside—isn’t just a silly grocery-store story. It’s also a metaphor for what many of us do in dating. If you're feeling a bit called out, this isn't just you. It's c