Secular Therapy as a Bridge

Meeting Religious Trauma Survivors Where They Are at in Early Recovery

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“Why aren’t you singing?” a man asked me, swaying with ease to the music. His smile suggested he thought I was shy—someone who just needed to “loosen up.”

We were at a party. People around us moved in sync, belting out the chorus like they’d been singing it their whole lives.

“I don’t know it!” I shouted over the music.

He grinned, unconvinced. “C’mon.”

I felt my shoulders tighten.

“No, really. I don’t know it. I wasn’t allowed to listen to most secular music growing up.”

Now he looked puzzled. “What’s secular?”

I blinked in disbelief. How could he not know? Growing up, I thought everyone knew. To me, “secular” meant anything that wasn’t Christian. In the high-control Christian environment I was raised in, we were taught to “be in the world, but not of the world.” Translation: exist, but don’t participate. Stay alive, but stay separate.

That’s when it hit me—most people had no idea what “secular” even meant. And that’s exactly the point.

The Othering of “Secular”

Outside of religious spaces, secular is a neutral term, used by journalists, scholars, and everyday people to describe things that aren’t religious. But in authoritarian Christian environments, “secular” becomes a warning label—synonymous with “dangerous,” “corrupting,” or “worldly.”

This isn’t unique to Christianity. Orthodox Judaism has “goyim.” The Amish have “the English.” High-control religious groups create their own linguistic fences, reinforcing who’s “in” and who’s “out.” They weaponize language to isolate members from mainstream society and instill fear of those on the outside.

When you’ve grown up in that kind of isolation, stepping into the wider world can feel like landing in a foreign country without Google Translate.

Meeting People Where They Are—Literally

In social work school, one phrase was repeated by professors again and again: Meet people where they’re at. The therapists I admire most live that out—not just in their words, but in their presence. They don’t posture or perform professionalism for its own sake.

They connect with clients in a way that feels as natural as two people having coffee on a porch together, watching passersby.

But here’s the challenge for religious trauma therapists: How do we “meet people where they’re at” if they don’t yet have the language of the outside world?

Someone fresh out of authoritarian Christianity may not type “religious trauma therapists” into Google—especially if they don’t yet believe what they went through was trauma. They might not even feel safe searching for a therapist who isn’t church-affiliated. Technology may have been restricted, monitored, or prohibited in their former group, making even a simple online search intimidating.

They’ll often search using the language they do know. And for many, that can mean typing: “secular therapist near me.”

The Complicated Relationship with the Word

If you’ve left an authoritarian Christian group, you might now flinch at the word “secular.” For some, it’s a reminder of sermons warning about the supposed dangers that lie outside of the authoritarian Christian group’s walls. Others, though, find their first steps toward freedom through that very word.

Language in recovery can be complicated. What once felt like an insult can become a connection to being understood and finding belonging.

I’ve had that experience with the word queer. Growing up, “queer” was spit like venom. It meant “deplorable.” It meant “unwanted.” But over time, I learned that words can be reclaimed. In the right hands, words are not knives to hurt—they’re scalpels to heal. They cut away the shame for new growth, instead of inflicting shame.

Why This Matters for Therapy

For people new to life outside authoritarian Christianity, “secular therapy” can be an entry point. It’s a bridge from one world to another. It says: I’m not here to preach to you. I’m here to help you.

Yes, the word may carry baggage. But for someone still using the vocabulary they were taught, it might be the key that unlocks the door.

So when a religious trauma therapist (including myself) may use the term “secular therapy,” it’s because we know our clients and recognize that some people still need to hear the word secular to know they’ll not be proselytized to in our offices but rather find safety there.

Language can wound, but it can also guide us toward each other. And sometimes, the very word that was once used to isolate us is the one that helps us find connection.

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by Guest Contributor - Kit Morgan LCSW

Kit Morgan, LCSW is a trans and queer, LGBTQ+ religious trauma specialist-- providing therapy in Virginia, Indiana, and New York and education across the world to curious people and practitioners through writing, consultation, and guest lectures.

Learn more about their work at theliberatedporch.com

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Paths Uncharted is the blog of Divergent Path Wellness — an affirming mental health practice based in Charlottesville, VA, serving clients across Virginia. Learn more about us at divergentpathwellness.com