BYO (bring-your-own) fidgets: Some considerations as you get ready for virtual therapy

Sarah Lawson MSW
5 hours ago
6 min read

When you think about going to therapy, perhaps you picture a scene from a movie or television show: A character arrives at an office and takes their place across from a therapist. The room usually features a comfy chair to sit in or a couch for lying down. It’s usually a peaceful setting, with a certain blandness that is perhaps trying to suggest a feeling of safety. There’s often a box of tissues nearby.

A stereotypical therapy office, featuring a couch with pillows, soothing artwork, coffee table, chair, and lamp

You’ve seen some version of this and perhaps you’ve even experienced these types of therapist offices in the past. You show up and the therapist has already arranged things in order to provide you with privacy and safety, physical comfort and opportunities for self-soothing, and a buffer from your day-to-day life, all of which can make it feel easier to talk about what challenges you’re facing.

Virtual therapy, however, can take place almost anywhere. And this means that there’s some preparation that you can do in advance to ensure that you feel safe and supported in your virtual therapy sessions. Here are a few suggestions that have the potential to enhance your experience of virtual therapy:

Privacy and safety in virtual therapy

When you have a virtual therapy session planned, think about a space where you will have privacy and feel safe talking about thoughts and feelings that you might not want others in your life to hear. Ideally, you have a room with a door that closes and can be locked, as desired, where you can tell others that you’ll need to not be disturbed during the session. Or maybe there’s a time of day that you can do therapy when you’re home alone. If not, you might also consider how well others can hear you through the walls, air vents, or open windows, and sometimes turning on a fan or white noise machine (if you have one) can help further muffle your chance of being overheard. Your therapist will be taking similar precautions to ensure your privacy on their end of the virtual session.

In addition, trust your instincts. If you don’t feel safe at home, whether you’re experiencing domestic violence or distrust among family members or housemates, you can explore other places that offer more privacy. Many public libraries have small, private rooms that you can reserve and these can be useful for virtual therapy in a pinch, as long as you can close and lock the door and be alone. You may also choose to join a virtual therapy session from your car, as long as you are parked somewhere safe and are alone in the vehicle. Or, maybe you have a friend that you trust who can let you use a room at their home for your sessions.

Wherever you decide to do virtual therapy, make sure you can access the session online through the virtual platform on your device, whether that requires a wi-fi login, cell signal, or fiber internet connection. In fact, technological privacy is as important as the physical place where you log in for your virtual session. Since virtual therapy requires logging into your session from a phone, computer, or other device, you’ll want to make sure that your device itself is safe and ensures your privacy. The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers helpful tips for technological and internet safety for survivors, which are great for everyone to keep in mind as well. Further, at Divergent Path Wellness, we use a telehealth provider that ensures privacy of sessions, but you’ll also want to check with your therapist if you have any questions about specific privacy concerns, whether related to AI or general information security on the internet.

Which is all to say:

Find a space where you can be alone and other people won’t inadvertently interrupt.
Plan ahead to ensure you can access the virtual therapy platform.
Check your device’s privacy.

Two gender nonconforming folks: Person on left is using a smartphone in a kitchen; person on right is using a laptop at a desk

Physical comfort and opportunities for self-soothing

If you’ve ever visited the Divergent Path offices, you know that we have tons of fidgets available for folks who participate in in-person therapy. However, virtual therapy is BYO (bring-your-own) fidgets since you’re participating from elsewhere. Since therapy can bring up a lot of emotions, it can be especially important to have a fidget or two nearby, to help support your regulation and grounding during the session. Maybe you have a favorite fidget that you can plan to have within reach for your therapy session, or perhaps you want to have a fidget that’s dedicated to therapy specifically. Either way, it can be helpful and soothing to have something to squish, spin, pop, or crinkle—or even a pen and some paper to doodle on, if that’s more your style.

In addition, when you’re planning where to do virtual therapy, make sure there’s a comfortable place to sit, room for your device, and access to other supports that you may need, whether that’s headphones, a weighted blanket, or even just a glass of water or cup of tea or coffee. Snacks are also welcome!

Finally, one of the great things about virtual therapy is that you get to adjust the sensory inputs to your liking. Dim the lights if you’d like, or open a window. Even if you don’t need a white noise machine for privacy (see above), it can also be a soothing sensory experience if other noises feel distracting. Maybe you even want to use a room spray, scented candle, or other smells to help make the experience feel as accessible as possible for you.

Which is all to say:

Have a favorite fidget or doodling supplies within easy reach.
Make sure you have a comfortable place to sit with your device, and comfortable headphones, as needed.
Adjust the room lighting and other sensory inputs to your liking.

Buffer virtual therapy and your day-to-day life

Once you have a safe and private place to participate in virtual therapy, and you’ve taken time to think through your supports for sensory needs and self-soothing, you’ll also want to plan ahead for a bit of a buffer between therapy and the rest of your day. Unlike in-person therapy, there’s probably not a commute to your virtual therapy session or a built-in change of scenery as you head to and leave an office. Instead, you’ll want to create some buffers to help create an experience of distance, mentally and emotionally.

When possible, set aside a few minutes before your therapy session begins so that you can take some deep breaths and focus on what you want to talk about. The first is important because it can be tricky to switch your brain straight from work mode or childcare mode into therapy mode, so some grounding can be helpful in making that transition. This might look like a few deep breaths, some silent meditation, tapping, or other grounding strategies that you find helpful.

As part of this, you might also want to review a list of notes that you’ve jotted down throughout the week in order to see what you want to focus on during the session. This isn’t a requirement by any means, but it can be easy to lose track of experiences that may have happened days ago, but that you’d wanted to process in therapy. Keeping a simple list in your phone’s Notes app or a pocket notebook can help refresh your memory and focus your intentions before starting your therapy session.

Finally, be sure to hold some time after therapy for emotional regulation and reflection. Whether your brain needs some extra time to process everything, or you feel like you need some additional time to emotionally regulate and rest, or even if you just want a bit of quiet time to jot down some notes to yourself to take forward into the coming week, allowing spaciousness and gentleness as you re-enter your day also supports the integration of what you’ve talked about in therapy.

Which is all to say:

Plan a few minutes before the beginning of session to ground yourself and focus.
Keep a list of topics you want to talk about in therapy.
Hold some time after therapy for spaciousness and gentleness as you re-enter your day.

In closing, as you consider virtual therapy when you're exploring what makes sense for your needs, hopefully these suggestions can help ensure that you feel safe and supported. Virtual therapy can be a significantly more accessible form of therapy for many folks, especially if you're neurodivergent, Covid-conscious, or just want to spend less time driving.

If you’re looking for a trauma-informed, neuordovergent, queer, and trans affirming therapist to support you through virtual therapy (or in-person therapy, for that matter), schedule a consultation with me or one of the other therapists at Divergent Path Wellness.