This Is Me: How To Respond To Being Misgendered
- Helen Dempsey-Henofer LCSW, ADHD-CCSP
- 4 days ago
- 2 min read
Being misgendered can sting. Whether it’s a stranger, a coworker, or even a family member, the weight of hearing the wrong pronouns—or having your identity go unacknowledged —adds up over time. Some days, you might have the energy to speak up. Other days, you might want to protect your peace and move on. Both are valid.
If you’re looking for practical words in the moment, here are 10 tiny scripts you can adapt to your voice and situation:
1. The Quick Correction
“Actually, I use [they/she/he/ze] pronouns.”
Short, simple, and direct. No need to apologize for correcting someone.
2. The Gentle Reminder
“Hey, just a quick reminder—it’s [they/them]. Thanks.”
Sometimes people need repetition to unlearn habits. This keeps it low-key but clear.
3. The Name Anchor
“I go by [your name], and I use [your pronouns].”
Pairing your name with pronouns reinforces them together.
4. The Group Signal
“For everyone’s awareness—I use [pronouns].”
Useful if you’ve been misgendered in front of a group and want to prevent it from continuing.
5. The Compassionate Call-In
“I know it takes practice, but I really appreciate when people use [pronouns].”
Acknowledges the slip while encouraging effort.
6. The Direct Boundary
“Please use [pronouns] for me. It matters.”
Clear, firm, and rooted in self-respect.
7. The Educational Add-On
“I use [pronouns]. Using the right pronouns shows respect.”
If you feel up to offering a quick bit of context.
8. The Redirect
“It’s [pronouns]. Anyway—back to what we were saying…”
Keeps the correction minimal so the conversation doesn’t get derailed.
9. The Written Follow-Up
“Just to note for next time: I use [pronouns].”
An option if you prefer email, chat, or text corrections instead of addressing it in the moment.
10. The Exit Strategy
“I’ve mentioned my pronouns before. If that’s not being respected, I’ll need to step away.”
For situations where repeated misgendering crosses into disregard.
A Final Word on Agency
There is no single “right” way to respond to being misgendered. Some days you might want to correct every slip. Other days you may choose silence to conserve your energy.
Both are valid.
Correcting others can feel empowering—it’s a way of saying this is me, and I deserve to be seen. But you are never obligated to educate or advocate in the moment. You get to decide where your energy goes, and how you want to show up.
Like many boundaries, correcting misgendering often requires repetition. It can take effort, emotional labor, and feel exhausting. That doesn’t mean your boundary is unreasonable. Being steady and firm in your expectations helps communicate that your pronouns are not optional. Expecting respect is not asking too much of any relationship.
Your identity is not negotiable. Your boundaries are yours to set. And your choice—whether to speak up, let it slide, or walk away—is always worthy of respect.
Helen Dempsey-Henofer LCSW ADHD-CCSP
Founder & Clinical Supervisor - Divergent Path Wellness
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