Grief during the holidays: Creative strategies to support you

The holiday season can be full of grief triggers, especially if you’re Covid-conscious, queer, trans, neurodivergent, or living with chronic illness or chronic pain. This year, that may feel more true than ever, given the grief, anger, and other intense emotions that many of us are feeling during the ongoing pandemic and continued rise of fascism, the climate collapse, and other aspects of our polycrisis. 

And like each of those possible emotional triggers, the ways that grief shows up in your life may take very different shapes.

Holiday grief may look like:

• Choosing not to celebrate holidays but feeling pressure from others to take part regardless of what you want

• Feeling alone or disconnected at a time when everyone else seems to be so happy

• Missing people who are no longer here

• Feeling proud of who you have worked to be but no longer sure how you fit into traditions... or if you even want to 

• Feeling exhausted and sad having to explain your boundaries again

• Struggling to be in the moment when you’re feeling anticipatory grief related to possible future changes or loss  

Across its many forms, grief can feel overwhelming, isolating, and endless. It may feel taboo to talk about it and we may try to hide our feelings in an attempt to avoid feeling them or to try to avoid other people's discomfort. However, grief can teach us a lot about who we are and what we value, if it's acknowledged and explored with curiosity. Through grief, we may also come to know what gives our lives meaning.

Not sure where to start? Here are some strategies that may offer support for you when you're struggling to identify or express grief this holiday season:

• Journal about what emotions you’re feeling and how they show up throughout your day: Trying to avoid or numb your grief can imbue it with more strength as you work to ignore it. Think, elephant in the room: The more you try not to think about it, the more you can't think about anything else. By journaling about your grief and other emotions, you can defuse the intensity of these emotions, making them easier to sit with and be curious about. You can start by simply identifying your feelings throughout the day, noting their intensity and why you think they might be showing up. Describe how these feelings feel in your body, as well as how they show up in your thoughts. If you feel like getting more creative, you can also...

• Make a collage altar, honoring your grief experience; celebrating a person, animal, place, or part of your life that you are grieving; and connecting with your memories and values: The great thing about making a collage is that you don't need any special supplies. Grab an old magazine or newspaper, some tape or glue, and a pair of scissors. Think about who or what you are grieving and what your grief (or other emotions) can tell you about how you make meaning in your life. Cut out images and/or text that speak to these ideas and feelings, and then arrange them on a blank piece of paper in a way that feels intuitive. You don't need to show it to anyone and it doesn't have to be perfect. But, much like journaling, a collage altar can offer a way to sit with your feelings and see them from a more flexible perspective rather than trying to avoid them.

• Create new rituals with people who are important to you: For many people, especially neurodivergent folks, the sensory overwhelm and high external expectations of the holidays can feel like too much. Introducing new rituals, with people you trust and love, can create space for slowing down and being more intentional in what and how you're celebrating. This also offers the opportunity to honor your grief more fully and in community. A new ritual could look like a new-to-you traditional meal or snack for a specific day, shared with people who know the emotional importance of the food. It could be a song, game, or gratitude ritual that you start with friends. A new ritual could even be as simple as a new holiday decoration that honors your grief. Get creative with it.

• Schedule time to breathe and reconnect with your body: Take a break from holiday expectations and pressure by setting an alarm on your phone to remind you to take time to breathe and check in with your body. This may look like a quick body scan or a walk outside—anything to reconnect you with the physical reality of our world, especially when the emotional reality feels overwhelming.

Finally, you don't have to grieve alone. If you’re looking for an affirming and trauma-informed therapist to support you in navigating your grief or other emotions, schedule a consultation with me or one of our other therapists so that you’ll have the support you need to live the life you want, during the holidays as well as throughout the coming year. 

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Sarah Lawson

MSW Supervisee in Social Work

at Divergent Path Wellness

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