The Pressure To Be Jolly: Coping With Holiday Stress

The holidays are often painted as a season of joy — twinkling lights, cozy traditions, picture-perfect family gatherings. But for many people, this time of year doesn’t feel like a magical escape. It can feel like a storm of expectations: show up with gifts you can’t afford, perform jolliness you don’t feel, sit at tables where your authenticity isn’t welcomed, or navigate the ache of missing someone who isn’t there.

If you’re feeling stressed, lonely, or overwhelmed during the holidays, you’re not broken. You’re human.

Why the Holidays Feel So Heavy

• The performance of joy: Cultural traditions and social media can send the message that you should feel jolly, which only intensifies guilt or shame if you don’t.

  
  

• Family and social dynamics: Gatherings can surface old conflicts, rejection of your identity, or the exhaustion of masking who you are.

  
  

• Financial pressure: Between gifts, travel, and food, the costs add up fast.

  
  

• Grief and absence: Holidays highlight who’s missing — through loss, estrangement, or distance.

  
  

Coping with Holiday Stress in Real Time

Here are a few ways to give yourself room to breathe:

• Name your values for the season. Instead of chasing an idealized “perfect holiday,” decide what matters most to you right now. Maybe it’s rest, connection with a trusted friend, or simply making it through with your sanity intact.

  
  

• Give yourself permission to say no. Declining an invitation, skipping a tradition, or leaving a gathering early can be an act of self-preservation.

  
  

• Find small moments of grounding. A walk outside, a sensory-friendly playlist, a weighted blanket, or even five minutes of quiet can regulate your nervous system.

  
  

• Shift your expectations. You don’t have to make this holiday the “best one yet.” Allowing it to be good enough can ease pressure.

  
  

• Honor your feelings. Grief, irritation, or anxiety don’t disappear just because it’s December. Letting yourself feel what you feel can actually reduce the intensity.

  
  

A Compassionate Reminder

The holiday season doesn’t have to be perfect — and neither do you. If this year feels heavy, know that you’re not alone. You’re allowed to create boundaries, redefine traditions, or simply rest. What matters isn’t performing jolliness for others, but aligning with what’s sustainable and meaningful for you.

If you’re looking for extra support as the new year approaches, our therapists at Divergent Path Wellness offer affirming care for people in Virginia navigating stress, identity, and complicated relationships. We’d be glad to connect for a free consultation and help you start the new year with support in place.

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Helen Dempsey-Henofer LCSW ADHD-CCSP

Founder & Clinical Supervisor - Divergent Path Wellness