Chances are, if you’ve found yourself in this weird corner of the internet, you might be struggling with being kind to yourself. You’re likely grappling with some brain weasels—those pesky thoughts that like to tell you who you should be, rather than who you actually are.
At Divergent Path Wellness, where I work as a therapist, being nice to yourself is our jam. We specialize in working with folks who are neurodivergent, queer, and navigating the complexities of religious or spiritual trauma. If that sounds like you, welcome! You’re in good company.
The Ingredients of a Self-Compassion Cake
Now, if you’ve poked around our website, you’ve probably noticed a few recurring themes: neuroaffirming, queer-affirming, trauma-informed, authenticity, sustainability. When I read that list, my brain immediately jumps to a key ingredient in all of these.
The key ingredient? Self-compassion.
Think of self-compassion as the flavor in the cake of identity exploration. What goes into this cake, you ask? Let’s break it down:
One Part Kindness: Treat yourself like you would a dear friend. When those brain weasels start yapping, respond with gentle words and understanding.
One Part Gentleness: Give yourself permission to take things slow. Exploring your identity doesn’t have to happen all at once. It’s okay to take baby steps.
One Part Humor: Seriously, sometimes you just have to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Humor can be a powerful tool in disarming those self-limiting scripts.
A Large Serving of Self-Compassion: This is the glue that holds it all together. Without self-compassion, it’s easy to get stuck in the muck of self-judgment and doubt.
Three Ways to Be Kind to Yourself While Exploring Your Identity
Recognize and Challenge Self-Limiting Scripts: You know those thoughts like, “I should have this all figured out by now” or “I’m too much for people to handle”? Yeah, those are brain weasels. They’re not the boss of you. Start by noticing when they pop up, then gently question their validity. Spoiler: they’re usually full of it.
Give Yourself Permission to Be Scared: Doing new things is scary. But here’s the thing—living in alignment with your values, which is what ACT can help you do, often requires doing scary things. And that’s okay. Scary doesn’t mean bad; it just means you’re stepping outside your comfort zone, which is where growth happens.
Celebrate the Small Wins: Did you try on a new label that felt a little more you? Did you set a boundary, even though it was tough? These are victories! Take a moment to acknowledge them, no matter how small they may seem. They’re all steps on the path to living authentically.
Permission to Explore: You Don’t Need It, But Here It Is Anyway
So, let’s make it official: permission to explore your identity, granted! Whether you’re sorting through what it means to be neurodivergent, queer, or dealing with the layers of religious trauma, you have the right to take this journey at your own pace. You don’t need anyone else’s permission, but sometimes it helps to hear it from someone who’s been there (or at least, someone who gets it).
Remember, you are not too much. You are not too different. You are exactly who you need to be right now, in this moment. And if you’re ready to start exploring what that means, we’re here to help you every step of the way.
So, go ahead, cut yourself a big slice of that self-compassion cake, and dig in. You’ve got this.
Hannah Dickey LMSW
Supervisee in Social Work
Divergent Path Wellness
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